SEXUAL JOURNEY AS YOUNG ADULTS: SEX AND LOVE
March 17th, 2009Sometimes in our sexually intimate relationships, we care for our partners as much as we care about ourselves. This is called mutuality. It means that we are willing to make sacrifices and compromises. Sometimes we may feel as though we are making sacrifices and compromises that are not appreciated by our partners. This can greatly affect the sex play and intimacy in a relationship.
It is always important to open communication about these issues—to discuss what we appreciate as well as what we expect. It helps to carefully evaluate the compromises and sacrifices we make and try to figure out what purpose they serve and what they may mean to the relationship over time.
Intimacy in a relationship can fluctuate. Each one of us has our ups and downs. The nature and quality of the intimacy in our relationships change with each up and each down. It is this emotional intimacy that makes our relationships in adulthood different from the ones we had as adolescents. It also makes possible a mutual sharing of sexual pleasure.
Mutuality is one of the aspects of romantic love. Romantic love is a combination of liking, sexual attraction, and intense emotional interaction between two people. There are two kinds of romantic love. Passionate love is a strong combination of feelings. It can sometimes be confusing because it can include tenderness, sexual desire, elation, pain, anxiety, relief, altruism, and jealousy all at once.
Passionate love often occurs at the beginning of a romantic relationship. As time passes, it usually quiets into companionate love. Companionate love is less emotionally intense than passionate love. It remains sexual but is moderated by friendly affection and a deeply emotional committed attachment.
As individuals, we are capable of feeling all kinds of love toward others. Sometimes love grows out of friendship. Other times love is found with a new person in our lives. Some people even fall in love at first sight!
There may be times when we think we are in love but we are not. We may be infatuated with someone. Infatuation is a strong sexual attraction to someone, based mainly on her or his resemblance to the ideal in our lovemap. Infatuation is common and healthy. It doesn’t take long for us to realize that we are infatuated and not in love. Infatuation often passes when we get to know the person and realize that we were attracted to surface qualities, not the substance of a person. An infatuation so strong that we can’t get it out of our heads is called limerance.
Jealousy is another emotion that is sometimes a part of our romantic relationships. Jealousy occurs when we believe that there is someone else who is receiving our partner’s affection. We all fear the loss of love at some time in our lives. The thought that a loved one might be looking for a new love interest can cause us to feel anxiety and anger. It can lower our self-esteem. Communication and honesty are the best cures for jealousy. We may also find it important to remember that we are all capable of caring for many different people during our lives.
A good, healthy, lasting relationship requires work from both partners. We can’t just sit back and think it will happen of its own accord. Communication and honesty are just two ingredients of healthy relationships, but they can go a long way. On the next page are some helpful hints that can strengthen relationships. They may seem simple, but it is often the easy things that we forget!
We are constantly making decisions when we are in relationships. These decisions include such issues as contraception, commitment, and living arrangements. As adults, we become more responsible for continuing to educate ourselves about our sexuality and sexual health. We can no longer depend on family and friends to do it for us.
We should know what contraceptive methods are best suited for our individual needs. We should know about sexually transmitted infections, including HIV/AIDS, and how to get tested. Young women should receive an annual pelvic exam, and young men should receive an annual physical. We should also try to understand what makes relationships healthy so that we can avoid abusive relationships. We should try to develop the communication and negotiation skills that are vital to maintaining healthy relationships.
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