Antidepressants Blog

“Where are you taking me?”

“Where I should have taken you long ago!”

“Put me down [let go of my arm] this instant!”

“No.”

“I said put me down.” “No!”

If the husband and wife are playing this game together (cooperatively), they may make up their own lines at this point. If the husband is the activist, he should proceed with caution: If his wife is smiling with surprise or delight at this sudden and somewhat fanciful act of assertion, he should continue. If, however, she is adamant about not wanting to be swept away, he should not press on. Instead, he should try, in as authoritative a manner as possible, to persuade her to go with him. “Why don’t you just do as I say and see what happens? You might just be pleasurably surprised. Come with me. Is our life so great that we couldn’t use a little mystery, a little surprise? Just this once let me take command. I promise you I won’t do anything to hurt you, and you may just find yourself enjoying it.” If all else fails, he should abandon the attempt to be the sole activist, reveal the game to her, and encourage their mutual participation in it from this point on.

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This game should result, for the first time, in honest communication about what is going on between them. It should also lead to a revival of sexual interest and passion.

Variation: A variation of “Psycho Surprise” has the “psycho” spouse slide into bed some night wearing a monster face or witch mask—and nothing else. The “psycho” laughs maniacally and grabs and kisses the spouse (with the mask still in place). When the passive asks, “What are you doing?” the psycho spouse does not reply, but simply continues embracing and kissing the passive (thus giving the passive a dose of his or her own medicine). Again, this may provoke an angry response, discussion, or wild love-making.

Caution: “Psycho Surprise” should not be played by older couples, or by anyone with a history of heart trouble, strokes, or the like. And it should only be used in connection with ongoing couples therapy, under the supervision of a psychotherapist. In some cases, for caution’s sake, the “psycho” spouse may warn the passive spouse that a shower surprise might be in the offing at some point in the future—just to play it safe.

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The wife also removes an article of clothing and says, “Yes, this is really boring, but I’ll go along with it.”

They proceed to remove all their clothing, repeating the same or similar phrases. Then the husband reaches over and caresses the wife’s breasts. “How does that feel?” he asks.

“It doesn’t matter,” she replies. She may even yawn.

“Do you want me to continue?” he asks.

“I don’t care.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“I don’t care.”

As he continues, she fondles his genitals. “How does that feel?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Do you want me to continue?”

“I don’t care.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“I don’t care.”

They continue the foreplay, trying new things. As they give vent to their feelings of boredom while engaging in this kind of sex play, they will begin to feel less and less bored. Then, in the second phase of the game, as their passion begins to rekindle, they should follow each statement of boredom with the very next thought that enters their mind.

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How important is human physical contact? It is so important that at critical periods people will die without it. Rene Spitz conducted a study of ninety-one infants in a foundling home who had been separated from their mothers. These infants were fed by a succession of nurses and given only perfunctory physical contact. Thirty-four of them died by the second year, while others went on to develop numerous symptoms. All of the infants showed manifestations of severe separation anxiety; then angry crying and clinging (trying to control or destroy the frustrating environment); then anaclitic depression (aggression turned against the self); then motor retardation; then marasmus (withdrawal into apathy); and finally—all too often—death. Others have replicated this study.

Similar drastic responses to the frustration of Eros can be observed in adults, as when a husband or wife suddenly dies and the spouse dies a short time later, without there having been any normal precipitating illness; or as when a scorned lover goes on a destructive spree of gambling, drug abuse, or promiscuous sex or kills his mate or himself.

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You’ve probably noticed ads for cosmetics or grooming products that claim to be hypoallergenic, implying that they are safe for people with skin allergies. At one time or another, though, you’ve probably heard someone say, ‘I’m allergic to hypoallergenic products.’ Perhaps that’s even true for you.

So what’s the story?

There is no official standard for hypoallergenic claims in the UK other than that such a product must be less likely to cause adverse reactions than other similar products. For some manufacturers, that simply means omitting fragrance, the single biggest cause of cosmetic allergies. Others go to great pains to find safe substitutes for as many of the other common allergenic chemicals as they can. The ingredients, then, will vary from one manufacturer to the next, so that one hypoallergenic mascara, for example, may cause no difficulty, while another is a problem.

Even the so-called hypoallergenic products contain lists of ingredients that read like the index of a high school chemistry text – and any of them can start trouble for you. One of the leading brands of hypoallergenic cosmetics, for instance, contains parabens. So hypoallergenic obviously doesn’t imply a product is free of all possible troublemakers.

Since the cosmetics are less than pure, manufacturers marketing their products as hypoallergenic must also test them on people. One of the major distributors of such products told us that they test their products by repeatedly applying the product to the skin of 600 people, under the supervision of a dermatologist. Only those products which produce no reaction within the test period are marketed as hypoallergenic.

But as you can see, hypoallergenic is a relative term. What’s hypoallergenic for you may not be hypoallergenic for your friend. The best approach is to read labels carefully, follow directions for use, and conduct a patch test if you tend to react to cosmetics.

The following tips will also help enormously when it comes to using any cosmetics, whether they’re hypoallergenic or not.

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Mild local reactions require little or no treatment. Allergic or toxic reactions, however, demand appropriate care.

• Scrape out the stinger, if one is present, with your fingernail or a dull knife. Do not try to pull the stinger out – squeezing it will only inject more venom into the wound. (Bumblebees, wasps and hornets leave behind no stinger since their stingers are not barbed. Mosquitoes and flies have no stinger.)

• Wash the site well with soap and water. Follow with application of an antiseptic if bitten by a fly.

• Apply an ice pack and/or a paste of baking soda and water to relieve pain.

• Elevate the arm or leg to reduce oedema (fluid retention) and swelling.

• Be alert for symptoms of systemic reaction or unusual swelling, especially swelling that extends far beyond the sting site. If reaction looks at all serious, use an insect-sting kit as directed, and then rush the victim to the nearest doctor or hospital.

• Avoid using tourniquets, sucking venom from the wound or cutting at fang marks.

• If possible, take the dead insect along with you to the doctor so that the insect can be correctly identified.

Note: Allergic or not, consult a doctor without delay if you are stung on the face, nose, mouth or throat, areas which are especially susceptible to sting injuries.

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Air Conditioning. Pollen counts in a closed, air conditioned room plummet to around zero. In an unfiltered room, with the window open, pollen levels are about one-third the outdoor level – enough to aggravate symptoms in anyone with pollen allergy. So air conditioning definitely helps allergies. Whether one-room, window-mounted air conditioners or central, whole-house systems are better at filtering out pollen is not exactly clear. In general, pollen and mould levels tend to run lower in houses with air conditioning of any kind than in houses with no air conditioning whatsoever, largely because the doors and windows are closed. Whether you go in for a whole-house system or individual window units simply depends on what you can afford.

Backed up by a separate HEPA unit, air conditioning of any type is optimized. Be sure to clean the coils and filters, however, to prevent mould contamination. And don’t run the air conditioner too high: too-cold air can aggravate respiratory allergy.

Negative Ion Generators. These gizmos generate negatively charged air particles (ions) – which are theoretically good for us – and thus replace positively charged ions – which are supposedly bad for us. Scientists haven’t exactly rushed to support the health claims made for negative ion generators. But if you’re allergic to particles such as dust, pollen or smoke, you may derive some benefit from their use. That’s because negative ions travel around the room scavenging larger contaminants, which are then electrostatically attracted to walls, carpets, curtains, furniture and other surfaces closer to the ground – and away from our breathing space. Some do a better job of cleaning than others, however. The units equipped with a disposable collection pad are probably somewhat better.

Dr Falliers describes negative ion generators this way: ‘In current scientific studies in which one group of asthmatics used a negative ion generator and another used a machine that did nothing, there was no significant difference in their symptoms. Yet individual cases of improvement are so impressive that I certainly would like to give anybody the benefit of trying one.’

Miscellaneous ‘Tabletop’ Air Purifiers. You may have noticed small portable fan and filter units – marketed as purifiers – in the house wares department of your neighborhood department store or advertised on TV. About the size of a desk telephone, these appliances come in all shapes and colours. Most feature a small, electrically driven fan which draws air through a filter. Some contain activated charcoal or chemicals to absorb odours and contaminants. They sometimes claim to control formaldehyde.

We wish we could recommend these devices, but not much has been done to study their ability to clean the air. Considering their small size and the big job they’re supposed to do, researchers say you’d probably be better off with an HEPA filter or air conditioning.

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Natural gas is touted as the clean fuel. And that’s probably true in terms of its low contribution to polluted air in comparison with burning oil, coal or wood. But for chemically sensitive individuals, gas-fired furnaces and appliances are big trouble -they vent combustion fumes back into the household atmosphere. Pilot lights add to the problem. Burning nonstop, they continually discharge gas into your air – gas that contains carbon monoxide, formaldehyde, nitric oxide and nitrogen dioxide, as well as a group of compounds known as hydrocarbons (including benzene and acetylene).

No need to remember all those chemicals. Just follow the advice of Dr Randolph: ‘The most important thing you can do is to get rid of the gas heat and range.’

Clothes dryers and cooking ranges should be electric and vented to the outside to reroute gas emissions. The same goes for a self-cleaning oven. Refrigerators, too, should be electric. In fact, Dr Zamm states strongly, ‘A healthy house should not even be connected to a gas line.’

If you suspect gas fumes are a problem at your house, try this. Spend a few days at a friend’s house, where there is no gas heat or appliances. If you feel better there, but experience symptoms again when you return home, gas may be the culprit. Perhaps you’ve already noticed an improvement while away on a business trip or holiday, or during the summer when the gas heat is turned off.

If you are sensitive to gas – or other fossil fuels, for that matter – consider converting to an electric hot-water heating system and electric appliances. If you rent or for some other reason cannot easily convert, here are some alternatives.

• Ask your gas company to turn off the pilot light on your stove so it doesn’t needlessly give off fumes when it’s not in use. Light the stove with a match when you want to cook.

• Install an exhaust hood above the gas stove. This can eliminate up to half of the fumes generated while you cook.

• For the remaining fumes, use an air filter in the kitchen during and after cooking meals.

• Ask a furnace installation firm to ensure that your gas furnace is equipped to funnel all exhaust fumes up the chimney so that no vapors are allowed to escape into the house or ductwork.

• An air filter hooked up to the central heating or cooling system will also help dissipate gas fumes.

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